Man Vs Food.

Well I made a big mistake today. But we’ll get to that later.

This morning I had to endure a 20 minute bollocking from my housemate about me not eating properly. I have a stacked bowl of shredded wheat in the morning, two cheese sandwiches (or maybe bagels) at lunch time and I have meat, veg and potatoes for my dinner. Some how he’s got it into his head that I only eat twice a day and the only thing I eat is bread. That’s probably partly because in Europe they don’t eat proper sandwiches, they always seem to neglect the top slice and also because there was an offer on at nofrills and the freezer is now currently filled with loaves of bread.

I was saved by Bon Jovi, he came into our kitchen and did a screaming guitar solo whilst singing “Like a bat out of elk!” Yep, I know that’s Meat Loaf and the guy downstairs isn’t either of these characters and neither were elks invented when that song was written, but I digress. Bon Jovi (also known as Costa) walked in and started saying something in Russian and talking about needing some oil. I was able to slip out through the door (after doing my washing up.)

I was due to go out for blues band rehearsal, but I had a string of missed calls form Jonny saying that the bassist was ill. Instead I watched a Louis Theroux documentary on dangerous animals being kept as pets. One eejit thought it was a good idea to keep chimpanzees, even though they’ve been known to rip peoples faces off and in the documentary it actually ran up to the house window and smashed it. Another thought it was a good idea to breed over 130 tigers when he lived across the street from someone who owned 100 horses.

Before I could go out, I got a call from work. Even though I’d had my shift switched, it hadn’t been altered on the computer and they were still expecting me. Tough.
I then went to football (soccer) at the factory again. Just before I got there, a couple were walking towards me. As I passed them, the bloke shouted my name. I turned round and he said, “I thought I recognised you.” I had no idea who it was, he was wearing a hat and a hood. As I spoke to him a bit longer I realised that it was someone from Best Buy! We had a quick chat before I went on to football.
I played shocking.
Like really bad.
I only scored one goal and, well just played shit. I know I played well last time because we were against Chinese people and they’re good at everything.
On the way back I passed the ‘Paradise’ again. That’s the strip bar I mentioned in my last post about football. I noticed today that the building is actually joined onto the one next to it. The building next door is the Christian Fellowship Church! Interesting juxtaposition.

After coming back home I decided to eat an entire pizza. A 12″ one. The entire thing. Stacked. I now feel sick. The beer probably didn’t help either. I’ve decided not to audition for ‘Man Vs Food.’

My shoes rub me just under the big toe and playing football has caused a patch of skin about the size of a toonie to peel right off. It’s quite painful to walk now. I resisted the urge to take a photo for all our sakes.

In other news though, Baldo now has a TV. I helped him set it up and when he turned it on, it was like I had never seen TV in my life. It was magical. I was just thinking, wow this is amazing. Moving pictures. In colour, and HD at that. Then there was a commercial break and I realised why I hate North American TV so much. We turned it off.
That was a dead loss.

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Posted on Saturday, 21 January, 2012, in Living in Canada. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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